So, on January 22nd I was supposed to have my surgery. I was given eleven days notice.
Now don’t get me wrong I have known about the impending surgery since October last year but I wasn’t given an official date until eleven days before I was having it done. The surgery itself is an extended right hemicolectomy with an ilesotomy fitted. Which is a fancy pants way of saying they’re going to remove just over half of my large colon and fit me with a bag.
So I worked myself up, prepared what I would need to take, let my family and friends know, took the time off work and embraced myself for a few months of boredom, pain and financial frugality.
I was booked in for last minute iron infusions and B12 injections, although I was told that they would probably kick in after the surgery not in time for. I panicked a little but moved on.
I went to the appointment with the stoma nurse and was marked for where my stoma would go. Had a very minor emotional breakdown in her office and then moved on.
I was nervous about the surgery, I was scared about all the adjustments I would have to make and very aware about how different my body would look and be like afterwards.
BUT DAMMIT I WAS READY.
But then my ridiculous immune system decided it had to go and get a cold, so the anaesthetist cancelled my surgery because she feared the potential complications from it.
I would like to preface the following by saying that yes I understand that this was the smart thing to do, yes I would rather the surgery be performed under the safest conditions possible and yes I suppose it is better that all the infusions and injections have time to work…however:
I AM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE WORLD TO ACCURATELY CONVEY THIS.
Now I have to go through all the build up and nerves all over again in two weeks time. I have not yet been given an official date and waiting on another one is so frustrating.
I am so fatigued and tired. I am incapable of doing even half the stuff I want to do due to my illness and when I finally do have this surgery I am going to be almost completely out of action for 2-3 months.
I am at a standstill. My life feels like it’s on hold and my own body can’t do something as simple as NOT GET A SODDING COLD FOR ONE WHOLE MONTH.
But I know that this is just one more hurdle before I cross the finish line. And I WILL cross the finish line. And I will do so looking oh so incredibly smug and waving a banner that says “SUCK IT CROHNS YOU ABSOLUTE DICK.”
Then I will live my life like a champ. I will write things and work and have a family AND DO ALL THE THINGS I WANT TO DO just with lots of hospital appointments, drugs and surgeries.
You know, like a damn champ.
I understand that this was a very rant-like rambling post but I just needed to vent my frustrations. Plus I am sure there are many more beautiful souls out there experiencing similar thing so this post is here to also let you know you are not alone.
Peace to you all interweb,