The Messy Stuff

Feelings are messy.

This is the simple and honest truth.   And when you love someone?  Well, that’s not just messy, that’s chaos.

I am very lucky.   I fell in love at sixteen, and darn it the man hasn’t been able to get rid of me since!  And I can honestly say that falling in love was the best thing to ever happen to me, it took my life down a completely unexpected path, made me open to my feelings and taught me how to be a kinder, less cynical person.

But boy does love hurt.  If anyone told you otherwise they were lying.

Love is an almost constant ache in your chest for the other person.  Love can consume you.   Love breaks you from the inside and remakes you.   It is so powerful, so fierce, that if you are not careful, your love for the other person can swallow you whole until you disappear into them.

Love means having to deal with other less savoury types of feelings like jealousy, fear and panic.   This past week has been a reminder to me that no matter how long you have been with a person, or how much you love each other,  these uglier emotions can still sometimes get the better of you.   Overriding your logic and sending you into a downward spiral where you have to hit rock bottom before you can start climbing your way out again.

Love is scary and it can hurt.

But to truly put yourself out there and dare to share your life with another person?   That’s nothing short of magic.   The kind of magic that comes from the little every day moments; like seeing your partner sleep, or laughing at their jokes, or even watching them cook.   The moments that make you stop mid-breath and remember just how damn lucky you are to have someone so genuine in your life.

I don’t believe in soul mates and I don’t believe in destiny.  But I believe in love and loyalty.  I believe the people who fall into our lives land there by pure chance, and then if they stick around?  Well, that’s because they chose to do so.   I think the choice is a far more powerful and romantic thing.

I guess what I’m saying is – love fully and love with everything you have.   But don’t forget to love yourself equally hard.

 

Best Wishes interweb,

Rachel xx

 

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