Online Diary No.2 -The Brakes Are Off

15th September

Oy.

Recently, I feel like I am on a clock.  Never before have I had so many things lined up for the future.  Never before have I been so scared of failing, in every sense.

The next year is going to break me and then remake me, of that I am almost certain.

Last week, my boyfriend of six and a half years proposed.  (Eeek!) We will be getting married next year. (Eeek!)  Also last week, the results of my MRI scan came back and revealed ulcers and inflammation that we had hoped would have subsided by now, as a result I am going to be put on weekly injections of the immunosuppressant drug known as humira.  (Bleurgh!)  This treatment is expected to last a year. (Double bleurgh!)   On top of that my study at home degree starts next month. (Eek!)

2017 is coming for me, hard.

I don’t know what to focus on first, on the one hand I’M GETTING MARRIED.   This is all so grown up and exciting and I want nothing more than to fixate on this upcoming event with all the energy of a she-hulk.

But then there’s the prospect of even more Doctors appointments and even more drugs and side effects and and…  Urgh.  That’s really all I have to say on that matter.

And then there’s my degree! Which will be in English Literature and Creative Writing.  I am so looking forward to reading and getting stuck into all the different forms of writing.  And above all just doing something for me.   Self improvement, self actualization, just myself doing what I love.

So the brakes are off, the training wheels are gone.  This is the year,  I can feel it!  I’m going to get healthy, I’m going to start fulfilling my dreams and on top of that, I’m going to get married.

Phew, that is a lot.

Okay, I’m just going to close my eyes for ten seconds and breathe.

10…

9…

8…

7…

6…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1

Okay.  I’m ready.

Best wishes to everyone,

Rachel

xxx

 

 

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